


So Very Sorry That You Have To Have A Body

by castivak



Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:33:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26904424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castivak/pseuds/castivak
Summary: there was just a lot of trauma built up from being a human, let alone a demon, that he really had trouble dealing with now that his soul wasn't torn to shreds anymore and he had full emotional potential.it got even harder when his new body started to show the scars that his old body had.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947061
Kudos: 14





	So Very Sorry That You Have To Have A Body

**Author's Note:**

> Day Eight : Scars
> 
> i have way too many angsty hcs about belphegor so there will be a Lot of him in this series.

belphegor was thousands upon thousands of years old, having gone through so much during his life and death that his brain is nearly overfilled with memories; some memories didn't stay for long, his brain feeling that they weren't important enough to keep around for more than a week, but others memories stayed burned into his brain after centuries of the event and belphegor had the awful feeling that they were stuck there forever.  
  
he really thought that after billie had brought him back, for reasons that didn't make sense, those memories wouldn't be as vivid or something, but if anything they only got worse and his new body, a body that was actually his own for the first time in a literal million years, had trouble handling them.  
  
the first time belphegor had a panic attack, he really thought that he was dying and that only made things worse, a memory that got too intense too fast had caused him to freak out so badly that he had fainted.  
  
it wasn't normal for him to have attacks, but it wasn't rare; there was just a lot of trauma built up from being a human, let alone a demon, that he really had trouble dealing with now that his soul wasn't torn to shreds anymore and he had full emotional potential.  
  
it got even harder when his new body started to show the scars that his old body had.  
  
the first one that belphegor noticed was on his shoulder; it was almost the exact same color as his skin and you wouldn't even see it unless you were up close, but belphegor knew exactly what it was from and who put it there, the memory making his stomach turn and he hoped that this would be the only scar to appear.  
  
of course, that wasn't the case because the world fucking hates him and every scar that he got from his first life, surfaced onto his skin. even a couple scars from when lucifer and lilith turned him appeared, while those were the biggest and angriest ones but they were also the ones that he could hide easiest because they were on parts of his body that his clothes covered.  
  
it was just a matter of hiding the scars that were in more exposed areas so that he didn't get the "what are those" questions, which was incredibly difficult when you lived with two very observant angels who talk to the two not-so-good-with-emotion hunters, which then results in awkward conversations.  
  
it was bittersweet, he didn't want to deal with a conversation like that, but at least they cared about him now.  
  
it was a calm day in the bunker, belphegor had returned from a hunt with jack the night before and they were taking a small break after doing almost back to back hunts for a week, being forced into taking a break from the "adults" of the home because while neither belphegor nor jack was fully human, they still needed to rest every once in awhile.  
  
belphegor was sitting on the couch in the den, which was previously the "dean cave" but it became the den when it started being used to catch up on pop culture, jack sitting with him as they watched the next movie in their marvel timeline; it was spiderman homecoming and jack was _very_ excited to show belphegor this movie, belphegor quickly realizing that jack just had a gigantic crush but it was more than understandable.  
  
they were almost done with the movie, the vulture fight scene having just finished and while belphegor was paying attention, he also felt a pair of eyes on him and he was getting uncomfortable, trying to ignore it until the movie ended at least, but he could see jack going back and forth between him and the television, whatever he saw had obviously peaked his interested and he clearly wanted to mention it, but didn't want to interrupt.  
  
"what about me is so appealing that you were staring at me instead of tom holland?" belphegor spoke once the credits began to roll, turning his head to look at the nephilim and jack looked guilty, like he felt bad for looking, "uh....." he mumbled, "i-i don't want this to sound rude, but.....what happened to your wrists?"  
  
belphegor furrowed his eyebrows, looking down at his hands and seeing that his sleeves had moved up to show rope burn scars, not as angrily red as they once were but still tinted pink with the white scar tissue peaking through, the sight of them making belphegor's heartrate jump and his stomach swirl.  
  
".....they're from before i was demon." he muttered, knowing that there was no point in lying, tugging his sleeves down to hide the scarring so that he didn't have to look at them anymore, the memory of the ropes being tied so tightly around his wrists that they broke skin and the friction of them chaffing against his skin caused burn marks, "i was tied up and they did it too tightly, not the worst thing that's happened."  
  
"why? i-if you don't mind telling me."  
  
belphegor smiled a little at jack's politeness, still wondering how the fuck this kid, who was basically just the human form of a rainbow, wanted to be his friend, "it was so i stayed still during my execution." he answered, his voice getting a little shaky as he spoke as this was not one of his pleasant memories, but it was definitely one of the most vivid. "that's......awful. i'm so sorry."  
  
belphegor shrugged a little, "it's just something that happened, nothing to be sorry for."

**Author's Note:**

> don't mind the spelling/grammar mistakes. i'm lazy by nature and don't pay attention to things.


End file.
